Kajira Raven

rosalindrobertson:

You have heard me go on at length about how you need to baby your whole body during depression…

It turns out there is a reason why it’s more than just Feeling Sad. A landmark study from the University of Michigan has shown that the body clock of a depressed person is,…

bookwyrm17:

“Research is proving exactly how emotional and physical abuse physiologically changes the brain. Using MRI scans, neuroscientists like Alan Simmons, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, have found that repeated abuse makes a victim more prone to being withdrawn, forgetful and so stuck in negative thinking that she can’t even see how a situation could improve. Many survivors look back and say they were in a fog; often the phrase is “I lost myself.” “There is something biological,” says Simmons. “It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s akin to what happens to the brain during war.”

…

“Many people—37 percent in Glamour’s survey—don’t reach out to a friend or acquaintance if they suspect abuse. It is hard to know what to say, but here are some of the exact phrases that helped 50 survivors we interviewed with the help of the National Family Justice Center Alliance:

“I am afraid for you.” Nicole Van Winkle, 24, heard these words after confiding to an old friend that she worried her boyfriend would hit her if she didn’t return his calls. “She said it wasn’t OK, but she didn’t judge me,” says Van Winkle. “She just listened—and that really helped.”

“You’re not leaving until I take pictures.” A friend said this to Yvonne Coiner, 44, after she spotted Coiner’s bruises one day. The friend gave the photos to a counselor, who told Coiner that she wasn’t safe. “I needed to hear that,” Coiner says, “because when you’re in the abuse, you’re paralyzed.”

“I am proud of you.” After Petra Johansson, 39, filed for divorce from her abusive husband, her friend sent her that text. “I’ll never forget it,” she says, “and during bad times I’d pull it up again, reread it and be able to go on.”

“I’m sorry, but honey, if he’s hit you once, he’ll hit you again.” A friend said this to Jennica Tulao, 25, after noticing her bruises. “I’d told her I wanted to give him another chance,” says Tulao. “That’s when she said the thing about hitting. It was one of the turning points for me.”

“Do you want your kids to go through that?” Ashley Raymer’s dad asked that question when she came back home after a fight with her boyfriend. “I really wanted to be a mom,” says Raymer, 24, “and that stayed with me.”

“I can prosecute a felony DV charge with you alive—or wait until you’re dead and prosecute a felony murder charge.” Reena Becerra, 38, was considering going back to her abuser when the district attorney said this. “It was the wake-up call I needed,” she says. “I thought I was in danger; I just didn’t know how much.”

Many of the survivors we spoke to acknowledged just how tough it is for a friend to step in but said that having a caring, nonjudgmental supporter was nothing short of lifesaving. “Even if it doesn’t happen overnight,” stresses Renick, “the victim will say, ‘You know, someone told me, “That isn’t OK,” and it took me six months, but it planted a seed.’ It helps women begin to think about leaving a relationship.”

And saying something—even an awkward, uncomfortable something—is always better than saying nothing. “So many women think there’s no way out,” says Sue Else, president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence. “If every woman who reads this says something, the ripple effect will be unbelievable.”